Warning: General WHINE

There's something unnatural about ruining a perfectly lovely, pain-free spring day by voluntarily undergoing pain and suffering - but I'm on my way to the dentist to have a tooth pulled. Never been able to keep a crown on more than a few months, and this crown popped off a couple years ago - the good DDS says it's time to have the root OUT, I've been procrastinating too long as is.

sigh. and sigh some more, ladies -

Introversion I

(I'm a crappy poet, but here's the latest effort:)


We go deep,
Not content merely to scud the surface
and to be moved by minor ripples there,
We dive deep -
Poets, mystics, visionaries -
All looked within in the music of our
Solitude
To see the vision placed by God.
Our knowledge becomes vapor
Distilled
Drop by sometimes-resented drop
Into world trapped happily by externals.

It is the grace,
The hope.
We sense, think,
Know
in viscera
things the frenetic happy-go-lucky
extrovert
cannot.
Ours is the perception
of deeps not suspected
by the one on the surface.
Clarifies our vision,
Equips us for the fray.
We hear the Order -
We see the Call -
We count the cost
and gladly pay.

Better, thank you all!

The back is better, thank you for caring - went to the chiropractor Friday and got an adjustment -
Still "on ice" part of the time, and I missed the glorious concert with the NC Symphony this weekend - Bach! I missed singing Bach! (wailing, here) -
But I did make it to Mass and choir rehearsal this morning, and made it through okay - early mornings are a little tight and unpleasant, but as I move around a bit things get a lot easier.

More musings soon - being laid up and unable to do much is great time for the brain to wander in all sorts of interesting directions......

which is worse?

-being in severe pain from a pulled muscle, lower back? or
-being alone while in such straits?

someone flip a coin -

Mid-Life Crisis?

The woman at the web forum was talking about her mid-life crisis, evidenced by her sudden and irrational yearning for a red sporty convertable.

My mid-life crisis is being answered very practically, in going back to school, in giving way to latent ambitions and longings.

ROME is my "red convertable." I hope to be there in less than three years, studying, not just being a tourist visiting all the touristy spots, but really living there in a little apartment, shopping in local markets, cooking - the whole nine yards.

I'm going to spend the rest of my life alone, I believe. There's the inner knowledge that there's only one man in the world for me, and recent events cause me to question my vision of him, make me wonder whether he is only a beautiful construct of my imagination - and I know I'd not be satisfied with less than I saw him to be. Better to be alone than "bound in chains of law to one I loathe." (thanks, William Blake, for that wording) -

Meantime, I live out my midlife crisis by ordering some clothes in online outlets and buying three new pairs of shoes to support my poor falling arches - LOL - and wearing perfume even when I'm home alone and splurging on a sweet variety of flowers at the Fresh Market this week because I know I need them for my very spirit, and wearing skirts and tops to work this week, not the slacks and plain and practical tops I'm accustomed to wear because they're so "practical."

My new glasses proved their worth as I was driving home from Raleigh, last Tuesday, the day I picked them up. The anti-glare coating is an extravagance, but it was raining and nasty, and I could really tell a difference in how things looked and felt and my fatigue level (from squinting and being tense) was hugely reduced.

It's slow going, but I really am enjoying this life revision process very much. Since receiving the notice of the nullity of the marriage to The Fairie Prince, I've enjoyed a new decisiveness about myself - an ability to walk into a room, target an item (say, certain clothes I've been wearing for ages, or the hairdryer Rusty had before we were married, or even the broken stereo that only plays radio any more) and say "This has GOT to go!" - no prevaracations, no guilt for the extravagance and impracticality of the decision... just relief and joy.

I'm learning this new computer - will take and download some journalling type photos soon.

Gosh! it's good to be me!